Saturday, April 30, 2011

Frustration

I'm sorry, but as I get closer and closer to graduation the bear of senioritous comes out more ferociously every minute.... 

l am definitely ready for a higher level of theatre whether it's educational or not.  That is one observance that has been made very clear to me during this past semester.  

One of my biggest problems with the rehearsal process is the way people warm up.  They don't.  I'm not saying I have always warmed up before rehearsals - it is something I realized was important once I came here.  I have brought it up a handful of times in post mortoms.  It doesn't matter.  People still do not warm up.  As an actor, we use our voices and bodies as our tool.  Everyone firmly believes in warming up before a production, but they do not see the need to for rehearsals.  Why?  Isn't the rehearsal process for us to grow and develop the play?  Jim Bartruff even gave a grand speech about how important it is to take at least a handful of minutes to warm up a bit and menatlly prepare yourself before a rehearsal.  He talked about how opera singers did that and how professional actors even have outside coaches just for warming up before a rehearsal.  A few people changed their ways.  Most still mosied on in 5 minutes before rehearsal eating their dinner for the evening.  We had to wait multiple times for people who were late, who didn't have their rehearsal clothing on, who were out running around in the hallway.  

Not only do a lot of students lack the motivation and need for warming up, but many lack any knowledge of the play before company meetings.  One fine actor even stated that he never read a play before the first read through, he just watches the movies of them.  Us small Kansas town college students put on Shakespeare this semester and many devoted very little time to the script.  People did not bother to look up words.  People would be completely oblivious to what their speech meant until a few rehearsals in when Jim would stop them and finally hand it to them.  It is disheartening to see fellow practitioners in this area take their work so lightly.  How can we expect others to see the validating points of our art if we cannot?

Some people still do not know exactly what they are saying.  It's the 3rd and second to last show.  And not just small roles, but major ones.  It is disappointing.  

Another part that is very upsetting to me is the lack of help in the shops.  During production week we were still craming to get things finished in the scene shop.  Nancy asked all the actors after first dress to come in an help the following Monday afternoon because they were way behind.  3 out of 20 some actors came in.  3.  That is it.  And they were the same one who have been in and out to help for the length of the build.  3.  How disappointing is that?!  On Monday night the actors were sitting in the house getting notes and Nancy, Josh and Al were beginning to paint.  Only one actor asked if they needed help afterwards.  One.  We were there until 1 that night.  Things got finished and the set and costumes looked great!  But most of the actors felt they were above getting their hands dirty.  They are ac-tohrs.  They should not have to do this stuff.  HOW ELSE DO YOU LEARN?!?!??!  It just baffles me the amount of disregard we have for each others' work in this small department.  We are a generalist program.  You are not going to walk away with a degree in theatre with an emphasis in anything.  So you damn well better know the facets of theatre.

Ok.  That was really negative.  There have been some super amazing and beautiful things come form this show.  And I will write about those later.  I just needed to get some of those negative juices from my mind....  I am forgetting the bad and enjoying the good as I enter my last undergraduate show night....

Friday, April 8, 2011

A New Direction...

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."

~Jimmy Dean


I know.  it's pretty deep for a guy who makes breakfast sausages (just kidding, he was a country music singer).  It's how I need to think right now. 


I haven't really given it the chance to soak in yet, but I am staying in Emporia next year.  No grad schools wanted me.  Now I have to find a crappy job and stay in Emporia, Kansas.  Doing no theatre.  


On the one hand, it will be great because I won't have to do the whole distance thing with Josh.  We are going to have to face that this summer while he's in Santa Fe and I'm not looking forward to those 3 months.  I have a hard time imagining myself coping over the span of a whole school year.  


And I'll be saving money.  I have been a little careless with the gravity of credit and my credit card has proven burdensome.  Hopefully I can get it all paid off by the end of December and then save money to move away from Emporia. Oh, and start paying off my student loans.  Provided I can get a decent job or two.  


I won't be living with boys!  I will be living with ONE GIRL.  And in a nice apartment!  I am very excited for that!  


But I am scared of what will happen to me in that year.  I will not be doing any theatre.  I am loving every moment of preparation I have been doing for Titania in Midsummer's and am working on breaking my inhibitions in trying new things in rehersals rather than trying to have the right answer when I'm there (what else is practice for?!).  I have a contract for this summer and I am getting do something new: scene design.  I get to work with Rick on his show and then design Barefoot in the Park which I am excited/nervous/overwhelmed/terrified/ecstatic over!  And my last show on Bruder will be the children's theatre show that will give me the chance to work with Ben and Susie's designs.  


But then what?  I will no longer be a college student, but I'll be hanging out with all of them - so I essentially still will be?  But without the perks of knowing what's going on in the department and having the common bond of late nights spent in the design room...  I'm terrified I'm not going to grow any but be stuck in one place in my life longer than I should be.


I'm going to make it a year for me.  About me.  I am going to teach myself how to play the guitar.  I am going to learn Spanish.  I'm going to READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm going to brush up on my piano skills.  I'm going to take voice lessons.  I'm going to do yoga.  I'm going to meditate.  I have spent the last 22 years of my life cramming it full of any activity I could possibly be involved with.  Now I'm going to take a step back, take a deep breath and explore what I want to, not what I am expected to...