A New Direction...
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
~Jimmy Dean
I know. it's pretty deep for a guy who makes breakfast sausages (just kidding, he was a country music singer). It's how I need to think right now.
I haven't really given it the chance to soak in yet, but I am staying in Emporia next year. No grad schools wanted me. Now I have to find a crappy job and stay in Emporia, Kansas. Doing no theatre.
On the one hand, it will be great because I won't have to do the whole distance thing with Josh. We are going to have to face that this summer while he's in Santa Fe and I'm not looking forward to those 3 months. I have a hard time imagining myself coping over the span of a whole school year.
And I'll be saving money. I have been a little careless with the gravity of credit and my credit card has proven burdensome. Hopefully I can get it all paid off by the end of December and then save money to move away from Emporia. Oh, and start paying off my student loans. Provided I can get a decent job or two.
I won't be living with boys! I will be living with ONE GIRL. And in a nice apartment! I am very excited for that!
But I am scared of what will happen to me in that year. I will not be doing any theatre. I am loving every moment of preparation I have been doing for Titania in Midsummer's and am working on breaking my inhibitions in trying new things in rehersals rather than trying to have the right answer when I'm there (what else is practice for?!). I have a contract for this summer and I am getting do something new: scene design. I get to work with Rick on his show and then design Barefoot in the Park which I am excited/nervous/overwhelmed/terrified/ecstatic over! And my last show on Bruder will be the children's theatre show that will give me the chance to work with Ben and Susie's designs.
But then what? I will no longer be a college student, but I'll be hanging out with all of them - so I essentially still will be? But without the perks of knowing what's going on in the department and having the common bond of late nights spent in the design room... I'm terrified I'm not going to grow any but be stuck in one place in my life longer than I should be.
I'm going to make it a year for me. About me. I am going to teach myself how to play the guitar. I am going to learn Spanish. I'm going to READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to brush up on my piano skills. I'm going to take voice lessons. I'm going to do yoga. I'm going to meditate. I have spent the last 22 years of my life cramming it full of any activity I could possibly be involved with. Now I'm going to take a step back, take a deep breath and explore what I want to, not what I am expected to...
I won't lie, it was a tough scary year for me, and I was even doing professional theater at the time. The trick is to have goals. Mine was to get into grad school, so that took a LOT of my focus and made it more bearable. Also do some professional work!!!! DO IT!!! DO it in KC or Witchita, do it WHEREVER they will take you...It is WORTH it. Even if they don't pay that well. Even if you have to leave your crappy job at wal-mart.....That is the only thing that kept my head above water. I've been where you are. It does feel a bit like you're stunted, but also take the opportunity like I did to make friends OUTSIDE the department! Gasp! It sounds like you have some good ideas for expanding your horizons....I started working out and swimming, but I never did get around to learning the piano....oh, well...
ReplyDeleteMy advice: save as much money as humanly possible before December. Seriously, after you have to start paying student loans off it's nearly impossible to save anything! Also, I think it's impossible for you to not grow in your year off. I feel much more in touch with myself now than I ever did in college, which is really nice, and I hope you get there, too!
ReplyDeleteThat is exactly what I've done with my year away from college. I have grown exponentially. Yes, I have a full-time job, but nothing else. And do you know how much extra time I have now that I'm not in school? I have read so many books, watched a ton of netflix (haha), learned to draft on my computer, started going on dates with myself, practiced drawing, paid almost 1/3 of my loan off, and generally had a great time getting to know myself. I have great co-workers with whom I can have intelligent conversations, and I have started wiping the material out of my life. Yes. Being out of college is nice.
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