Tour is OVER!

Yesterday at 5:45 pm I finished out my contract with Wichita Children's Theatre Touring Company.  It was bittersweet.  There were so many rewarding parts of that job.  I got to perform for thousands of kids and a new group every day.  Sometimes a group wasn't as into the show, but there was always at least one kid dancing in the audience having the time of their life.  You had instant gratification to demonstrate the impact you were making. 

There were parts I am most definitely glad to see go though.  I hated being away from Josh.  When you go from seeing someone for a good chunk of your day every single day to seeing them only on the weekends, it sucks.  It was hard, too, because he was having fun!  He was living the college lifestyle.  And as selfish as this sounds, I wasn't.  I was having to keep track of three other people's schedules, manage car problems, hotel bookings and appease schools.  It was a lot to jump into that first part.  I also learned a lot about my style of working.  I am constantly routing things out in my mind to develop the most efficient way to do things that I can think of.  I want quality work done as quickly as possible.  I know it doesn't usually work that way with a lot of people in theater, but this time all of my tour members were on a different page.  They had a much easier-going (what I could only see as slower paced in the beginning) way of doing things.  I had to change.  It was hard.  I am one stubborn person.  But as we got into the second part of tour, I began to force myself to take a deep breath.  Time really was not an issue.  We were not going to change what time we arrived at schools or what time we left in the mornings.  Sow why did it matter if it took us 15 minutes more to set it up?  Needless to say, it's not easy working with a group of people that have such a different work style than you.  But time was the only thing changing, not quality.  I had to change my way of thinking, to separate the two in my mind.  It was good training for me for my summer job.....

I'm moving to West Virginia with Josh a week after we get married!!!!!!!  He interviewed with the West Virginia Public Theatre for a Master Electrician's job and got me hooked up to be the Seasonal Resident Scenic Charge Artist!  He got his job as ME as well as Assistant Lighting Designer.  Pretty sweet.  It pays a little higher than summer stock here at ESU did and they are giving us a travel stipend.  Our big hope now is that our visit to WVU went well enough to get us both accepted into their grad program..... But we won't hear anything from them before April.  I hate waiting....

What I Have Learned from Substitute Teaching

Through the month of December, while on break with the tour, I did a lot of substitute teaching in Emporia and Flinthills school districts.  I am just again starting to sub as tour is slowing down again and grad school auditions are over.  There are several aspects about this job I love, that overwhelm me and that irritate me into a passionate fury.  

The best part about my job is the creativity I see in the kids.  Not the cute look-how-hard-they-work kind or the kind where they-just-can't-learn-enough.  It's the kind where they see how much they can get out of!  It is immensely entertaining.  Attending a small public school growing up, there were sixteen of us in our class - eight of which had been together since Kindergarten.  We would team up and actually plot out our path of substitute teacher destruction together.  Granted, we didn't always save it for just the substitutes, but that was when limits were redefined.  Being in the other seat now provides an insight to the masterminded plans that illuminates the creativity in a whole new light.  First there is the communication between students.  This is sometimes whispers, notes passed, text messages or even simple eye contact.  Then it is the brave elected who voices the proposition or suggestion to the substitute.  And my favorite part - the brief climax before I get the chance to answer, that moment where I am trying desperately to decide if I am being made a fool or winning over the appreciation/respect/contentment of the class.... One of two things happens next.  One:  I fall for it.  When this happens, the students are have won.  There is no going back.  There is no control in the future if they are older.  But they are so proud of their accomplishment.  Sure, I have been duped, but it is sure hard to suppress a small grin due to the amount of energy coming from the students successful usurping.  From that moment on, it's best to just be their friends.  Now, it could go another way.  Route two:  I see right through them.  Usually these are the kids who are so excited by the thought of trying to get out of their work that they cannot conceal their deception.  They are usually grinning.  This is when I am reaffirmed that I am adult and I know what I'm doing.  After I shut them down, there are no hard feelings.  The kids knew it was kind of a lost cause....  It is in these moments that I see more creativity than I see maybe ever.  And I spent the last 6 years of my life submerged in theatre!

The overwhelming part (teachers pay close attention) is the getting their early in the morning, reading the vague lesson plans and then proceed to panic because there is simply not enough time to try and complete the scavenger hunt before the students come in.  I have been in some classrooms that have WONDERFUL lesson plans.  They let me know every detail of what I am supposed to teach, where things are AND what goes on during a normal day.  I am proud to say my mom's classroom was the most I had to teach in and the most prepared I have ever felt due to some pretty fantastic lesson plans.  The worst is when they leave you lots of locations to find things.  Sure, their room is embedded in their memory.  And it's cute with all of it's decorations and posters.  But when I am told to find a folder on the bulletin board above their desk and there are 3 bulletin boards covered with all sorts of things, including 4 different folders - it becomes overwhelming.  Then there is the vague lesson plan.  I had this earlier this week.  I was told to teach them the lesson (no chapter number, unit number, page number, no title was given as a reference).  So I found a random book open on a table to Chapter 7.  I read over it, familiarized myself with the content and proceeded to develop a plan on how to teach this method.  I was totally prepared.  Then when the students came in, they told me they had done that lesson last time.  That is when all control was lost.  I had shown them I had no idea what I was doing and now I felt lost because I had to teach myself the lesson as I taught them.  IT WAS TERRIBLE!  I would make a mistake and tell them to ignore the last thing I just said probably confusing them like crazy.  So if there are any teachers or future teachers out there reading this - please, please - make detailed lesson plans for your substitute.  

And last, but most certainly not least, is my aggravation with the lack of teaching going on in public schools.  I completely understand giving a substitute an easy day of game playing, extra reading time or watching movies because a particular lesson plan may be too difficult to expect them to pick up in 15 minutes.  I was in a classroom where the high school students were to watch a video on the San Andreas fault and complete a worksheet.  It was one of the days I relished in high school.  It didn't require too much brain power at all.  Simply listening to the somewhat entertaining video would give you the answers word for word.  I was given instructions that if they seemed to be falling behind on answering the questions to pause the video and get everyone caught up.  However, a student aide in the class took it upon herself to warn the class when the answer was coming up (2-3 sentences before) and then again immediately after the answer was said...........  Eventually the students stopped paying attention all together.  They were going to be given the answers. Why should they try?  At one point, the aide even wrote the answer on the board for them.  Now this was a class to enhance the English language for those students who did not have it a first language.  So stopping every 10 questions to allow people to discuss answers was not a bad idea.  However, the student aide was so eager to give all the answers out that there was no discussion, only blank stares.  I was very irritated at the end of that day.  It was obviously a daily occurrence.  If a student cannot listen to a video and answer the simple "fill in the blank" questions on a worksheet, why are we passing them?

The more I substitute, the more I doubt my ambition to teach at a collegiate level.  Maybe at a Master's degree level.  I still see plenty of the ones who are using their creativity so much to get out of stuff in the recent college classes I have had that they don't get anything out of it.  It's cute when you are below the age of 13 and I don't have to see it every day.  Once you are older than that, it's just frustrating.  Yet when I teach little kids it's refreshing.  I could not do it on a daily basis, but to submerse myself with the pure, buzzing quality of creativity that they have (not only in trying to get out of work) for a day is illuminating.  Sometimes when I find myself having a stubborn opinion on the way something looks or the way something should be, I try to envision it through a 1st graders eyes...

Distance. Meh.

So Josh and I are doing the distance thing again.  Not. Fun.  Sure, it's much more mild than the 3 solid months apart this summer.  I get to see him nearly every weekend.  Things have definitely changed since the beginning of the summer.  But absolutely for the better.  Sure, it was awkward at first.  And sometimes still is since we jumped right back into not seeing each other every day after just 3 weeks of being together.

But enough about Josh!  I LOVE MY JOB!  I work with fantastic people who are all good-hearted and care about their work.  I work for a company who does terrific things in the field of theatre art.  I get paid well to do it!  Sure, its not the meaty dramas I really love, but it's pushing me in a whole new ways.  First of all, I have to sing - and very boldly at that.  Sure, it's not fine singing, but i do have to stay on pitch most of the time... And my physical work is being stretched.  As well as my vocal range and comfort.  Barb, or choreographer, said something to us actors the other day that really stuck with me.  She was trying to get us to be bigger during our songs and she said, "I don't know what it is, but today in schools they teach you guys to be so reserved and there's this thing about bringing the audience to you, drawing them in...  You can't do that here.  You have to bring it TO the audience!"  And I liked that.  Tear down that 4th wall! 

I've been blogging about my job more in depth if any of you are interested:  http://touringgirl.tumblr.com/

We're heading out on the road soon.  Autumn is here.  Yay!  I'm happy! 

Summer of fun?

So my goal for this summer was to spend time focusing on me.  I figured it was the opportune time since my other half was out of town for 3 months.  Unfortunately, it wasn't fun.

Summer theatre was a struggle I did not expect at all.  The assignments I got were fantastic and I am incredibly grateful for the opportunities I was given.  This summer was full of diversity.  However, it was a great struggle.  I was hoping for a last summer fling with Emporia involving going out to the bars frequently, swimming, working out every day...  Needless to say at didn't happen.  I was put into a position of authority which separated me from my friends.  I didn't have much of a social life.  I let one person stress me so much with their lack of work that my daily working out, eating and sleeping habits and my social life (what very little of it i had) suffered.  

On top of that my father unexpectedly lost is job.  this has forced me to grow up even more.  No asking for 20 bucks when I go home for gas money.  No asking mom if she would mind buying me a new pair of jeans before fall... Granted, that may be more spoiled than a lot of people are, but I was hoping for a tad bit more help until I started my job with WCTDC.  

Due to that and not being able to find a part time job in Emporia, I felt inclined to stay at home for a couple weeks at the end of the summer.  I came home to help my little brother with what I could for the fair.  That weekend, my family headed up to KC to help with moving my grandparents out of their house into an assisted living apartment.  That was hard.  Lots of memories, lots of siblings and lots of emotion.  The next week was full of helping out on the farm any way I could.  

Through working with people I am close to all summer and from helping my family through some tough situations, I have learned so much about myself.  It's not about who I am as my own entity or how I can do things on my own to improve myself, it's about how I react with others - how I contribute to situations.  Some of the lessons were learned in a not so pleasant way.... Others had that int of realization during the moment so I could savor it...

So what did I learn about myself? I am a very strong willed person who expects the best out of everyone.  I don't set limits onto people, I expect them to work to continually improve.  I do well with keeping a lot of my concerns internalized.  Unfortunately, that makes it more difficult for me to be wholly aware of my surroundings and it also makes it difficult for me to not close out of relationships I have....  Did I improve myself this summer? I don't know.  But I did bring to the surface many of my flaws I would like to fix.  

Now I'm with Joshie again.  So I don't have to do it on my own, because life is far more fun to go through with someone else. :)

Why Not?

Lately I have been itching to get out of Emporia, KS.  I am actually excited to be going to Hay, KS.... That's how bad I want out.  I am going to Santa Fe at the end of August to go pick up Josh and we are making plans to go to Colorado Springs and see the scenery there.  I have officially been bitten by the travel bug.  Again.

It has got me thinking...  Josh and I have talked a lot about our future and where geographically it will take us.  We've discussed moving to the UK or Germany if we don't get into grad school next year.  And we have really been looking into traveling for the long term through southeastern Asia.  Josh even brought up living in Australia or some place in South America....

While it all seems novel and exciting, I have reservations about the thought of living a somewhat nomadic lifestyle.  And I came to the realization that my biggest set back is what other people will think.  My family will have a hard time understanding and will try and talk me out of it.  It wouldn't be anything extreme, just that they won't think it is the best idea.  But if it is what I want, why should I work so hard to please them?  They will support me with whatever.  They do not see the benifit in traveling and believe that it's better to settle down and get a job.

But who says getting a job and making money to support a family is the definition of success?  The priest at Sacred Heart gave a sermon a couple weeks ago about how the western world sees rest as laziness.  In the eastern world, they are not pushed to work more than anyone else.  They take time to find themselves in the hustle and bustle of their daily lives.  To me, that is success.  Time here is spent too much trying to please others.  While I find a release from the pressure of solely pleasing others through theatre, I do not find the time to enjoy what I am really getting out of it.

So maybe success for me is learning how to watch more.  How to stop and feel more.  How to enjoy more.  And what better way to test this by traveling and immersing myself in new scenarios?

Is this real?

I now have a degree.  A BFA in Theatre.  COOL!  I will shortly have to begin paying back student loans.  Not so cool.  I have done nothing but stress the past couple of months about finding a job, paying back my loans, finding a way to do theatre and save money to move away from Emporia all at once.  And somehow, things are just falling into place...

I did get a contract for summer theatre this year at ESU.  I had mixed feelings about doing it this year, but am over that and very excited for it to start tomorrow!  I will be stage managing the first show, assisting Rick in the second, scenic designing the third and acting in the 4th.  

But summer theatre is not what I am most excited for this summer.... Josh will be gone for 13 weeks in Santa Fe.  NOT excited about that!  But it will give me time to devote even more whole-heartedly to exploring myself.  I will not be formed so much by Josh's influences, but will spend some very valuable time with myself.  I have a whole list of goals I want to accomplish this summer!  One week in and I've already got a pretty good start to it......

As I began really stressing about finding a job, I saw a posting on the call board for the Wichita Children's Theatre touring company.  I had a great friend and mentor at Southwestern College who had done it and recommended it to me and had always had an interest in children's theatre...  So.....  Why not?  I set up an audition for last Monday.  

I had to sing.  That part didn't go so well.  I had worked with Jeremy and Amanda and with a recording of the accompaniment and I felt so confident!  But as soon as I got in front of those people, it all went down the drain.  It was awful so to say... It just didn't leave me with the highest of hopes.  However, my livestock management and farm kid work ethic on my resume got their attention and lead to discussions which I think was a major attribute to me getting to be Tour Managaer!  Not exactly what I had wanted, but I think this will give me a greater challenge.  I will be making a significant amount of money, I will have the month of December off (hopefully to audition for grad schools!) and I'll be doing theatre while keeping a base in Emporia.  Only problem is that I will need work for August of this year and then April through the rest of the summer... Surely something will come of that....

Things are just working out perfectly.  I am in the right place at the right time surrounded by the right people.  I've got a positive attitude - which is good because I have a whole bunch I need to work on and a positive attitude is essential!  I just feel like I'm along for the ride.  And it's so nice not trying to control things way beyond my range of control....

Frustration

I'm sorry, but as I get closer and closer to graduation the bear of senioritous comes out more ferociously every minute.... 

l am definitely ready for a higher level of theatre whether it's educational or not.  That is one observance that has been made very clear to me during this past semester.  

One of my biggest problems with the rehearsal process is the way people warm up.  They don't.  I'm not saying I have always warmed up before rehearsals - it is something I realized was important once I came here.  I have brought it up a handful of times in post mortoms.  It doesn't matter.  People still do not warm up.  As an actor, we use our voices and bodies as our tool.  Everyone firmly believes in warming up before a production, but they do not see the need to for rehearsals.  Why?  Isn't the rehearsal process for us to grow and develop the play?  Jim Bartruff even gave a grand speech about how important it is to take at least a handful of minutes to warm up a bit and menatlly prepare yourself before a rehearsal.  He talked about how opera singers did that and how professional actors even have outside coaches just for warming up before a rehearsal.  A few people changed their ways.  Most still mosied on in 5 minutes before rehearsal eating their dinner for the evening.  We had to wait multiple times for people who were late, who didn't have their rehearsal clothing on, who were out running around in the hallway.  

Not only do a lot of students lack the motivation and need for warming up, but many lack any knowledge of the play before company meetings.  One fine actor even stated that he never read a play before the first read through, he just watches the movies of them.  Us small Kansas town college students put on Shakespeare this semester and many devoted very little time to the script.  People did not bother to look up words.  People would be completely oblivious to what their speech meant until a few rehearsals in when Jim would stop them and finally hand it to them.  It is disheartening to see fellow practitioners in this area take their work so lightly.  How can we expect others to see the validating points of our art if we cannot?

Some people still do not know exactly what they are saying.  It's the 3rd and second to last show.  And not just small roles, but major ones.  It is disappointing.  

Another part that is very upsetting to me is the lack of help in the shops.  During production week we were still craming to get things finished in the scene shop.  Nancy asked all the actors after first dress to come in an help the following Monday afternoon because they were way behind.  3 out of 20 some actors came in.  3.  That is it.  And they were the same one who have been in and out to help for the length of the build.  3.  How disappointing is that?!  On Monday night the actors were sitting in the house getting notes and Nancy, Josh and Al were beginning to paint.  Only one actor asked if they needed help afterwards.  One.  We were there until 1 that night.  Things got finished and the set and costumes looked great!  But most of the actors felt they were above getting their hands dirty.  They are ac-tohrs.  They should not have to do this stuff.  HOW ELSE DO YOU LEARN?!?!??!  It just baffles me the amount of disregard we have for each others' work in this small department.  We are a generalist program.  You are not going to walk away with a degree in theatre with an emphasis in anything.  So you damn well better know the facets of theatre.

Ok.  That was really negative.  There have been some super amazing and beautiful things come form this show.  And I will write about those later.  I just needed to get some of those negative juices from my mind....  I am forgetting the bad and enjoying the good as I enter my last undergraduate show night....